We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
