I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
