Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
