My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
