Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
