Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
