When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
