new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
