His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
