The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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