meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
