well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
