I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
