like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
