i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
