So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
