There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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