I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
