we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
