i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
His hands were made for my vagina.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize