6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
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I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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