Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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