I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
