Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
false alarm. still invincible.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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