Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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