he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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