Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize