Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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