He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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