i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I fill condoms, not promises.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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