i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
