then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
