dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
