You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
