Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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