he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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