You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
