did you get engaged???
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
