I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
