I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
