11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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