Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
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It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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