i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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