Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
