I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
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