Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
