Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I've blown a few things in my day
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
