I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My vagina just recognized that song.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
