I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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