just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
