This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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