He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
