I miss vodka workout Fridays
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
