I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
