You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
