Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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