Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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