People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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