I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
